This · is · my · story

Something's wrong with my LiveJournal. Man, keep signing me out. BlehX.
It must be angry tt I swtiched over to BlogSpot and for the first time in my life, was so enthusiatic at blogging. *gasps*
BlehX. Juz bored.

Some ppl, some ppl. Want to flame also don't do it in front of me mah.. SighZ.. Stupid ppl are stupid.. Wt can I say? So since 'they' decided to speak UN'behind my back' so I shall do likewise. After all, they think I don't look at journals or blogs or webpages. Doesn't mean I don't write means I don't read.

Anyways. What can I say? Some people don't know that they are not welcomed. I believe the term "Friendless" fits those type of people like a second skin. Hey, I didn't make the term, they like to say they are. Which is also why I always hate going out with "friendless people". Don't mistake me. Why should I go out with you if I'm not your friend? Then again, stupid ppl are stupid..

Sometimes you do the pleasure of like not breaking a person's heart so you don't deny them anything, and they complain. I agreed only because I pitied you, so it doesn't make anything a priority in my "must go" list anyways.

Some ppl, always complain when their friends excel in something they don't. You know wt's capability? Just because you don't have the skill, doesn't make it your friend's fault. But wait, are they your friends? Some ppl always complain say this or that person like to force him/herself into your 'grp' but really, I think you're the one forcing into other ppl's grp. After all, why do they always 'pang seh' you?

Lol .. I'm so bored just talking about boring kpers. Only doing this cause some Person X/Y/Z don't dare. But I don't rly give a fuck. Friends or not, just stfu.

Always talking about ppl's bad things like it's nobody's business. Of course no one likes you. Ppl call you critic cause you're somebody no one likes. I'm not talking about constructive critism coming out of your mouth. A whole lot of crap, and you think ppl finds it fun talking to you? Oh, but stupid ppl ARE stupid. I keep forgetting.

Just let me tell you, you think you're the only one tt can talk behind people's back? Hey, words travel, and walls have ears. Just think, the person you're crapping to have a mouth to. Party A/B/Cs can also talk to X/Y/Z n 1/2/3 .. Lol. And also, just reminding. Some ppl have frens tt pretend to fren others, they can also pretend to fren Some ppl. Hey, they have mouth, I have ears, they talk, I listen. I hear lots of bad things from so and so mouth n hands.So?

Bitch.Cunt.Whore.

It's been so long since I've updated my journal ><
I guess O's are like starting to take it's toll on me. I'm too hardworking? No, it's the mental stress of knowing I'm as slack as everyone after their Os.. Lol.

I juz got over some guy tt I liked for quite long and quite deep. And I would like to use this opportunity to thank Celine for staying by me!
And peeps been asking me/my frens if I'm lesbian. I should just as well be right.

I may want you, Celine =P

What am I waiting for?

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y0y0y0y0y0...
SighZ.. Exams starts tml n everything ya... SighZ

I've finally finished another notebook! Physics! This one makes two!!! Yayayaya...

Lol..

Now it's alrdy so late. Onli another gamer's online (I forgot his name)

Time to slp or dota ...

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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What am I waiting for?

I supposed I expected it coming.

I always do, but I always choose to ignore it.

I always always type "I suppose" but nothing ever comes out of it.

I supposed I knew this too.

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What can I do if I'm m00dy, black-faces, pissy, prissy, this or that.
There's always nothing I can do.
I can't stop someone from talking from another.
I can't stop someone from lying to me.
I can't stop time from moving.

I always thought I had the ability.
I always supposed I did.
I always ...

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Forget the sad talk.

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Got a few cool guys onto my computer.. Yay~
Yesterday I finished one whole Chapter of Maths.
And I actually did my weekend homework again...

Exams are coming, everyone's stress...
MY hair is turning as white as my grandma's.

Well, there's nothing more to be said.

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I've learnt the meaning of "Pointless"

People like me, were never meant to belong.

I wonder what today has against me, when even the sun wishes to be happy...

Shiro Sagisu has caught up my emotions, with his composition, the one tt was played in Bleach when Renji was thinking of his past.

It hurts, thinknig about the past. It hurts.

It's like my little pinky who's nail broke too in, it doesn't hurt so much you can't handle. But it's those pain where you can never forget about it.

Constantly reminding, of nothing.

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She told me, when we broke up the previous time, that.
Our relationship was like Brian McFadden's Almost Here.
That when she was with me, She left like crying, Because I was always "only Almost Here."

She said she wanted to give it one more try, since both of us were lonely.
I told her it would end up the same, but then she cried and said she'd still wanted to try.

"It's better than standing there," she said...

For the first time in my life, I despised the cruelty of my own thorns.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Efflorescent Friendship, Emulous Consanguinity, Evanescent Passion, Episodic Liaison, Ephemeral Propinquity. Our Entanglement.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you choose to try and comprehend, this is the meaning of our relationship.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What makes loneliness an anguish
is not that I have no one to share my burden,
but I have only my own burden to bear.

I'm going crazy over my own mistakes. I'm unforgiven, it's unforgettable.

But then again, what can I do?

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I've found some errors in my chem chem *sobs a lil* so I'm doing it now to OFFICIALLY finish book one... ^^

Then I'm going to do some homework (Suddenly homework all looks much easier n less stress.

Yest played with WK n Kevin on Dota.. The hmmm thing is, they look like they have no form (Or as Shawn says 'noob lor' ... But I like to believe otherwise)

So stressing these days, and Celine still snoring off.. Muahaha...
Have to study harder n win some SMART but LAZY people who's still bragging it on his MSN -_- ...

HiaZ HiaZ

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What makes loneliness an anguish, is not that I have no one to share my burden, but I have only my own burden to bear.

I couldn't admit it.
This pain and this loneliness
isn't real.
But
This jealousy and the pure envy
of their happiness
is
evident..

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w00ty baby... I finished one whole notebook of Chemistry - I've never done tt in my life. One notebook, not ALL empty spaces. In fact, I really tried to squeezed and I only got like 7 chapters in... So that means I have half a textbook to go.. h3h3h3h3...

Well. Now I'm desperately trying to find someone to help me print me n Celine's ChemChem *hint hint* h3h3h3h3...
(aims at Seh Kor)

Baaaaaaaah... Must hurry hurry do more more more more more Physics le.. I only got 2 weeks left to rush out all my things. During exam days is for me to READ only, no more WRITING.. Hiazhiazhiazhiazhiazzzzzzzzzzzz...

Kkkkkk.. Time to goo.. pls. anyone tt can help me print, I'll pay u 1 dollar for 7 pages of black n white paper.. Thanks!!! PLS SMS me if you can gib me by tml morning!!!!

If you keep doubting, your life's wasted...
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I'm not sad about those things anymore. Cause it's over.
h3h3... Feels much lighter now, though work has increased a bit..
I'll do my best.
I'll carry out my duties.
It's my responsibility.

I've fallen in love with Cillian Murphy, the actor of Jack in Red Eye. Yo..

h3h3.. Love guys like him =X

Bahahahahahhahaa...

Lax day, nohing much cept a chicken feet job tt earned me $50.

HOWEVER, I HAD to go to Issac's house n see him CUDDLE with his girlfriend *shudders*
... THat smug ass actually SMIRKED at me when he saw me and dared to tell me he had been too 'busy' to FINISH up.
I ended up using his computer and HEARING he n his gf COO at each other.
ONE word. YUCK.

Got a new parting today.

Fucking Bainbridge. Told me tonight could have a bit of talk talk... But in the end, tt asshole's girldriend called AND he just PLOPPED off. WTF.
WTF. PLOPPED off. I've never seen anyone's reaction that fast...

I don't understand him.

If she wanna play such game with me, I'll screw her for him. Literally.

I finally realised the finality that those words had on me. Words that I spoke myself.
I was missing a certain someone, even though I said I wouldn't go back. It's just so feminine, for a woman to have rejected a person and think about him all the same.
When I was told by Celine tt that certain someone actually asked Gwenny to do something (and she refused in case she got involved being Middle Man) I actually said "What's the point of telling me now, it's too late to do anything" and I realised how harsh but true those words were.
I couldn't say that 100% I would have gone back if I received whatever you called that, but I guess my judgement would have suayed, and I guess it wouldn't have hurt so much when I turned away. But hearing words when it's too late to do anything, is just like the sms that Wei Lun sent me.
Because it was over, there was no way of starting anew. We all can't reread a story book we've read before without knowing what was going to happen. We can't relive a friendship that was already very dead.
I've tried it out with people before, like Celine ya? And that wasn't possible.
Because no matter how hard I told a certain someone to forget, I would constantly remember. I was guilty, I should be cruxcified, but why was I living and given a chance to be, happy?

I've gotten back my responsibility as an "only child", as the only reliable bedrock of the family beneath those crumbling poles of my parent, as a student meant and looked up to "excel".
I've gotten back my responsibility of an illness that cannot be cured, of friendships that should have been forgetton, and most of all, of a life I'd rather not have.

I'm too proud to ever run back and say "I missed You".
I'm too hurt to ever say to him "I wanna start anew".
I'm too over the waiting, and too used to this loneliness.

Now, I've given up for real.

I'm waiting again, in the midst of the rain and the storm, in the fury of the gods where the lightning bruises the Earth...
I'm waiting for a call,
I'm waiting for an sms,
I'm waiting for the rain to cease, waiting for this pain to leave
Just waiting, for eternity.
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W00t.. Not bad a day, even though I almost lost my temper when the teacher was hogging over us so I almost missed part of my Pingu!! (No, it may be on Kid Central, but it's not THAT kiddy... -_- Well, gimme some of the childhood I missed ...)
h3h3.. Now my teacher allows me to live on without hair pins.. k3k3..

Bah... 3 weeks to End of Year exams, do you even believe me?
I'm trying really hard to work hard (LOL) n do my best.
I hope I do reap what I sow, and get ok ok grades (Not high requirements eh...)
Bahahaha.. So ganbatte along with me Celiney.. ^^
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Will this wait ever end?
In this gentle enbrace, I feel safe but cold.
I'm getting tired of sitting there, but I dun wanna let go.

Don't call me Heartless.

Do you know how long I waited?
For a call, a visit or an attempted 'Hi'
Do you know how sad I was?
When none it came to me.

Do you know how long I waited?
Until I gave up even saying goodbye.
Do you know, I gave u all a chance?
But I guess we all ruined it.

Don't call me heartless

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Everyone sounds so sad, on their nicknames, while their talking to me, that their sadness and all that pain is spreading to me. I'm like an erected receiver, just keep taking in all their emotions. All the black, dull ones.
I'm drowning in their sorrow, not mine.
In that despair, they wouldn't care about being contagious, all they needed was someone to talk to. Survival of the fittest, that's the world's most played game.

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I've been slacking on since yesterday. But I didn't make dollies today, dun worry.. I'm set out to BUY the $400 dollie tt I saw. I won't name it Bastian of course, it'll be Auden ^^ All the weird names keep popping out eh.

I'm still saving, but I swear I'll get it.

I really am in a bad mood since ______ smsed me. I guess I've started to forget, and they come trying to barge back. They come as they please, leave they they will it. It's irritating, it's hurting, and THEY were the ones who called ME evil.

ZzZzZ Don't feel like going back to school. It feels as if everyone inside is just waiting for me to make a wrong move to laugh at me. I feel like Sally. I feel stupid.

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Kill me.